Love isn't love, till you give it away

2011-05-27T07:06:00.001-07:00

To my sister. Because you brighten up my world.

I like to live in my own world sometimes
There's a churchbell there that chimes
Whenever I am feeling low
I close my eyes and that's where I'd go

Where there are no monsters lurking in the wood
And the wolf is friends with Red Riding Hood
Where beggers would ride and pigs can fly
And blue birds are soaring in the sky

When I rearrange the constellations at night
Scorpio and Orion meet in all their might
And that pot of gold at the rainbow's end
Is more than a mirage built on pillars of sand

Close your eyes
Can you see the world I'm painting
Can you hear the magic calling
Just believe
Come with me

To where the great white sharks play with the dolphins
In the cystal blue sea with identical grins
The hunter puts down his gun and the butcher his knife
As they join the world in the ode to life

To where the dreams come true if you only dare
And nightingales are singing everywhere
Look at the butterflies dancing in the day
Let all the troubles be blown far, far away

Now you know
Now you see the world I'm painting
Now you hear the magic calling
Just close your eyes and believe
Just believe

2011-02-04T16:45:00.000-08:00

《一时瑜亮》

人海茫茫知音难求
你我在战场上驰骋风云
最大的愿望却是遇到一个听得懂自己琴音的人
你的琴声告诉我你需要朋友
其实我又何尝不是如此

一次交会的视线
一个会心的微笑
千言万语尽在不言中
明天的我们或许就是敌人
但现在和当下也许已经足够

最不想遇到的对手是你
只因最了解我的也是你
能与你携手作战是我毕生的荣幸
虽然你我都清楚下次的沙场相见
你我将不再肩并肩

乱世之中的人生总有太多无奈
但正是乱世让你我相逢
乱世出英雄或许我应该感激
两条平行线能有相遇的机会

与你的合奏是心与心的灵犀
倾听的不是琴声是心声
弹拨的不是琴弦是心弦
已经好久没弹琴了
我想以后也不会再弹

士为知己者死
我能做的却都已经做了
管鲍二人不是你我所能效仿
瑜是瑜亮是亮
你我都有各自的抱负与方向

如果还相信朋友就点灯吧
还是那个云淡风轻的笑容
但夜空中上百盏的孔明灯
是进攻的信号
更是希望是信念

我会好好珍惜萌萌的
正如我会好好珍惜这段时光
相会时短暂的光亮足够温暖一生
人生得一知己
亮已无憾

瑜亦无憾

2010-09-27T04:49:00.000-07:00

I have officially finished 33 books from my booklist consisting of 1001 books. That's nearly 3.3%. Quite an accomplishment, if you ask me.

Right, who am I kidding? At this rate I'll be really old before I can finish the list. But I've been thinking, that doesn't really matter, since I'm not purely reading for the sake of completing the list, but also because I love to read and I'm simply using the list as a gauge to find good books. And I'll say, some of those books are really good.

Since my last post, I've read about 4 books, if I remember correctly. They're all rather memorable and touching, especially the last book (which I'd only finish reading today), To Kill A Mockingbird. It's wonderfully written, a meaningful story told in a poignant manner. The way the writer crafts her words is almost an art, and the simple yet beautiful languages touches the reader in ways that I had never expected. It's quite a simple story, actually, almost cliche, but at the same time it's so unique. It's a story about prejudice and acceptance, showcasing the best and worst side about human nature. It rather reminds me of The Book Thief, in a sense, though of course it's much less tragic. Writing about prejudices and hypocrisy of society through the eyes of Scout is a touch of genius; the innocence of Scout and the children questions the fundamentals of certain views that many of us take for granted, and the wrongness of the prejudices is brought out all the more by the stark contrast. It requires certain reading between the lines, certainly, because a young girl, be it six years old in the beginning of the book or eight in the end, most definitely cannot understand or see things that the reader might have guessed. Meanwhile, I really just love Atticus. It's quite strange, because I fancy I like him even more than Scout, and usually my favorite character is the main character and the first character that I encounter. But then again, what's not to like about him? He's kind, wise, principled, witty and easy-going. Not to mention brave enough to do what is right over what is easy. Sometimes, I think we should all learn to look at things through the perspectives of others, especially children, because we might actually learn something that we didn't know we were ignorant of.

Our Mutual Friend is another Charles Dickens story, and I can safely say that it's one of my favorites now. True to Dickens' style, it is another witty satire, this time mocking how money can make people do all sorts of things, when in the end it is people who do not lust for riches that actually get their happy endings. I think that Lizzie's one of the character I like the most, since she's wise, kind and pretty. Well, that, and the fact that she's the first likeable character I met. And naturally, John Harmon/Rokesmith is a great guy too, and I must say I had rather hoped for the two of them to end up together. Oh well, at least they all got their happily-ever-after.

The Old Man and the Sea is a story that I'd been intending to read since a very long time ago, as it's quite a famous book. Then again, lots of books are famous and I daresay I have yet to read most of them. In any case, I did finally get around to reading it, and it's good. Painfully frank, and not much of a plot, since it mostly involves an old man fishing in the sea and his 'battle' with the gigantic marlin and his subsequent fight with the sharks, but there's something underlying the whole story that makes it sad, almost painful. I suppose it can be seen as a lament to the dying of traditions, and how the older generation is gradually fading into history, with all its talks about how the old man is not lucky any more, and the comparisons between his fishing methods and the newer, more modern ones. How, in the face of change, we become ignorant and unappreciative of our past, even as it struggles to survive, because there are just some values, such as respect for all life, that should not, and cannot be turned into history. Change is inevitable, I suppose, but the fading of a culture is always sad.

Lastly, there is the Scarlet Letter, which I have tried to read a couple of times but always failed. This time round, I forced myself to get past the few chapters, and discovered that it is actually rather captivating. Granted, the language is really archaic, with all its 'thy's and 'thou's, which is probably why I could never finish it before, but the writing and the plot is quite good. As for the theme, I suppose it's one of sinning and forgiveness, about good and evil, and how thin the line between the two is. The emphasis on the scarlet letter is a little weird, but I suppose it's the writer trying to link the title to the story. That happened with Our Mutual Friend as well, though that was only once, and even then it seemed rather contrived. I guess that's what happens when you know about the title before finishing the story, such that every link to the title sticks out like black ink on a white background.

I'm not sure whether I should start on my next book or not, to be honest. I mean, I do have exams coming up. *sigh* So many good books, and so little time to read them.

2010-09-15T06:01:00.001-07:00

I really should be revising for my exams. I mean, Physics is tomorrow, and it's one of my weakest subjects. It's probably because I really cannot grasp the concepts. At least the other subjects are more or less common sense, you know. Amazingly, I actually revised for the whole afternoon, without once yielding to the temptation of reading fanfiction. Of course, it might be due to the fact that I've pretty much exhausted the archive of stories that I'm currently interested in.

My sister calls me sadistic, and she's most likely right. I happen to like angsty stories, especially those that contain emotional agony for the main character. But I really don't like romance. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it's got to do with how the characters tend to put their lovers above everything else in their lives the moment they fall in love. And to add insult to injury, they can't even fall in love with someone who can make them happy. What's the point of falling in love if all you're going to do is to be miserable all day anyway?

Personally, I really can't see how romantic love can take precedence over so many other things that are just as, if not even more, important, like family and close friends. Perhaps it's because I haven't experienced anything like that yet, so it's just not something that I can imagine or understand. That kind of all-consuming love that swallows you up until nothing of your original self remains, until you are no longer whole but one half of a soul, until you cannot survive without the other party - it seems too much like obsession for my liking. I can understand loving someone enough to be willing to die for him or her, but so much that you are willing to condemn the world and betray everything that you have ever known? Keeping someone safe and alive at the expense of her happiness because you cannot bear losing her - that's not love. It's pure possessiveness and selfishness. And yeah, in case you can't tell, this is a rant against Twilight, Star Wars, and even Harry Potter, where the male protagonist seems to be obsessed about keeping his girlfriend/wife safe. It's understandable in Harry and Remus' case, not so much for Edward, and Anakin Skywalker is really just freaky. Seriously, Anakin's my favourite character in Star Wars (since I watched Revenge of the Sith first), but poor Padme. Still, I suppose it can't be helped, given how the fate of Darth Vader has long been decided. Makes you feel sad, really, how it just seems like an inescapable destiny that results in tragedy for everyone involved.

Ok, I really should go back to revising now.

2010-08-18T06:16:00.001-07:00

I really need to update my posts more often. Then again, my resolutions almost never work. I suppose with the lack of audience, there is also a lack of motivation to write anything. I think I'm starting to emphatise with all the fanfic authors online when they're asking for reviews. Perhaps I should make an effort to leave a review for all the stories that I've read.

I've dug out a list of 1001 books to read in your lifetime. I downloaded it as per my grandma's instruction a couple of years ago, but it's been sitting in my cabinet collecting dust all these while. Anyway, I went through the list, and to my dismay I found that I've only read about 22 books. So I came to a decision: I shall make it my goal in life to finish the entire list. After all, everyone need an impossible goal in life, don't they?

To start on the journey of fulfilling my goal, I found a couple of books in my home (which I had never read) and started to regain my habit of reading books, just like how it was before I had discovered fanfiction. Oh, I still read fanfics, of course. It's nearly impossible to stop now, but as long as it doesn't interfere with my studies, oh well. Getting back to the topic, thus far this year, I've read Things Fall Apart, Lord of the Flies, Hard Times and Surfacing. I'm currently halfway through Cry, the Beloved Country. The funny thing is, none of these books are actually cheery or optimistic. In fact, the first three are, quite frankly, vaguely disturbing. Especially Surfacing. Cry, the Beloved Country has a more central theme, I guess, as do Things Fall Apart. Both are about how the Western culture clash with the indigenous in the developing worlds. At least for the former we can have the consolation that South Africa is a much better place now. Hard Times has quite a clear theme, too, which is only natural considering it's a satire, mocking how the materialistic society and an education centred on nothing but hard facts is eroding the more important aspects of human life. My favourite quote is when the ex-school master asked his student, 'Have you a heart?' and the student replied with, 'Yes sir, I do, it's an organ (starts defining what a heart is).' Talk about irony.

Lord of the Flies, meanwhile, is different, and the themes actually make me rather uncomfortable. I'm the kind of person who would prefer to believe that the human nature is fundamentally good, but LotF really contradicts it. A group of boys, removed from society's views of right and wrong, descends into savage madness, bloodthirsty and uncivilised. Does this mean that we're only moral because the society that we have been born to and live in would condemn us if we were not? Our sense of right and wrong - is it innate, or is it instilled within us by society? If no one is watching, if we can know for certain that we would not have to suffer any consequences, would we behave in a similar manner as well? I don't think I will. My beliefs are too deeply ingrained within me. But that brings me to a even more difficult question. What then, makes society right? We've often read stories where individuals would do the 'right' thing and stand up against society for their beliefs, but we only think that society in the past is wrong because society today is different. It's only logical, yes, that morality is a man-made concept. And yet, to think that something so fundamental within our society, something on which the entire society is based, something which determines how society functions - to think that it is so subjective - it's a scary thought. Because then, the only thing we have to justify our actions would be because the majority says so. The next thing you know, you are faced with the question, why should the majority be right?

On the island in LotF, the group of savage boys are the majority. When we're told not to do something, we'll ask, 'Why?'. The answer would always be, 'Because it's not right.' But these boys, still so young and ignorant, almost untouched by society's ingrained beliefs, go deeper than we are generally comfortable with. They ask again, 'Why?' And this time, we find that we can give no answer. Then again, the very word civilised probably means that once we're away from civilisation, we're not civilised anymore. I've always wondered why lust is one of the seven sins, but the lust for power - for anything, really - is really dangerous, if this book is any indication.

Surfacing is another matter once again. In fact, until now, I still have no clear idea what the book is really about. Oh, I understood the plot perfectly well, of course, but the ideas and themes are another matter entirely. A woman and her relationships - with her boyfriend, her ex, her so-called friends, her parents, and her aborted child, which later links to nature. The entire story revolves around her search of her father who disappeared, but it seems more like a spiritual exploration, mostly revolving around her guilt towards the abortion and drives her to explore the complex relationship humans have with nature. What struck me most about the book is actually the way it shows how thin the line between human beings and the other animal is. That is, of course, assuming that there is even a line in the first place. For, really, what makes us so different?

2010-05-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

《风铃雨》是我在空闲时写的一个故事，因为没地方放，就先写在这里。

《风铃雨》
--取材自《风铃雨花飞花》、《四女绝唱》

三年了。

三年了，一直都没来过这里。也许是因为虽然已经过了一千零九十五天，但只要一想到她，心还是会隐隐作痛吧。很多时候，越是刻骨铭心，失去了也越是痛。而这里，毕竟是我们以前常来之处。

这里的摆设几乎一点也没变，还是米白色的围栏，还是大理石的桌椅。几天前刚下过雨，一树的风铃花开得娇艳欲滴，却不再是熟悉的粉红色。放眼一树的血红，令我有些错愕，但随即想起她说过，风铃花的颜色是会变的。

一朵风铃花从树上徐徐飘落，一抹嫣红，仿佛又看见了她的身影。她生性活泼，从来都坐不住，有时我们俩儿坐着聊天，一阵夏风吹过，她总会忍不住在这满园落英中跳舞。只见那满天满地的风铃花飞舞飘落，回旋缤纷，而她就在这风铃雨中跳着、笑着。在如诗如画的花飞花中，她翩翩起舞的身影，仿佛化作一只蝴蝶，美丽中总带着一丝凄凉。也许那是一种预感，感觉到她有一天真的会如蝴蝶般飞走吧。

风铃花这个名字，其实也是她告诉我的。还记得她第一次带我来这里的时候，那风铃花也开得和现在一样灿烂。

“紫樱，这就叫风铃花。不过它还有一个名字，叫新加坡樱花，和你一样，都有一个‘樱’字哦。”

“紫樱，你知道吗？我觉得这风铃花很有趣。你听，风铃，风铃，听起来是不是很像‘凤吟灵’？”

“紫樱，这风铃花，既有你的名字，也有我的名字，很神奇吧。就让它代表我们的友谊常青，好不好？”

不经意间，泪水已模糊了视线。这三年来我一直努力压制的回忆如决堤的河水，一涌而出。没想到，过了三年，她的容貌在脑海中仍然清晰可见，她的语音依旧仿佛在耳边萦绕。

“紫樱，这风铃花，真的很像小巧精致的风铃吧。”

“紫樱，我们说好了，要当一辈子的朋友哦。”

一辈子的朋友。吟灵，我们的确当了一辈子的朋友。可是，一辈子对我们而言，不够。十年的友谊太短暂了。三年前的那一场车祸，夺取了太多、太多。夺走了你的生命，夺走了在星空下许下的愿望，夺走了一个个还未来得及实现的梦想。但是，吟灵，它夺不走我们之间的友谊，因为这份友谊会被我永远珍藏在心中。而在那遥远的地方，这份友谊也在你心里，对吧？

又是一阵夏风，又是漫天飞舞的风铃花，只是翩翩起舞的她早已不在。这一支舞，就让我来代她跳吧。

风铃雨中，仿佛又有两个女生在时间的长河外尽情地跳着、笑着。。。

2010-04-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

I've recently started posting some of the short stories that I have written on ff.net. I've never realized how long writing can take. Whew. I've got a lot of newfound admiration for all the writers out there. Especially people like T who can balance writing, drawing, composing music, playing games, and God-knows-what. However, T, that does not mean that you are excused from handing in Chem Assignment! (glares)

My sister claims that my writing skills are only average, and although I'll never admit it to her face, I kinda agree with her. Compared to people in my age group, I'm rather below average. Even people younger than me can write better. Just how sad is that? That said, I do believe I must have quite the large ego, because I actually enjoy re-reading things that I've written. It's interesting, though, how that never applies to stories I write for school. I guess it's really true when they say that you need inspiration to write a reasonably good story. Some of the stories for school that I'd forced myself to write were truly horrible, so much that I can never bring myself to re-read them. Now that's really, really sad.

Well, it's rather late now, and I really should be either doing my homework or going to bed. Another interesting thing about me is that I feel like writing whenever it's my bedtime, or when I'm on the bus, or when I'm supposed to be doing my homework. In other words, all the times that are rather inopportune. See? Even as I'm trying to sign off, I end up writing another new paragraph entirely. Talk about not knowing when to stop. Rather like momentum, actually. I'm not complaining though. At least I can get something constructive done even as I am procrastinating. Besides, writing on the bus is a good way to pass the time stuck in traffic jams. And I should really go to bed now. So bye! And I hope I'll get back soon, instead of procrastinating for another year, until all my friends gave up on me ever updating. XD

P.S. In case anyone's interested, my story URLs can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1750246/Faniela.
Faniela is my sister's name, actually. I'm just using her account, since I didn't see the point of letting a perfectly good account go to waste.

2010-03-02T04:19:00.000-08:00

问世间情为何物，直教生死相许？只叹自古红颜多薄命，多少的缠绵亦难抵挡命运的无情。如陨落的流星，灿烂而短暂。就算知道是飞蛾扑火，也义无反顾，无怨无悔。也许对她们而言，真的不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。她们，以一个个美丽的遗憾，谱出了没有遗憾的人生。

---献给《仙剑》和历史上所有可敬可叹、可歌可泣的女子

2010-01-29T05:24:00.000-08:00

明月几时有，把酒问青天。

窗外，又是一个月圆之夜。

自古以来，月亮就是文人雅士吟诗作对的题材。“海上生明月，天涯共此时”，“可怜九月初三夜，露似珍珠月似弓”，“沧海月明珠有泪”，无一不是家喻户晓，脍炙人口的诗词。是什么力量，令月亮如此迷人？对我而言，月的美，在于她的神秘，她的多变。她看似遥不可及，却又无所不在。几乎每晚抬头，看到的都是不同的月色。她时而橘红时而银白；时而圆润如珠露，时而弯弯似秀眉；时而羞涩地躲在云层中，时而又大方地将皎洁的月光洒向大地。

如此美丽的月亮，配上凄美的传说，想必更是令人为之倾倒。“天上方一日，人间已千年”，就不知广寒宫中，今夕又是何年何月了。如果真的有嫦娥，不知道她是否后悔过？为了长生不老而放弃爱情，从此独自在月宫中，唯一的伴侣便是玉兔。即使青春永驻，又有谁来欣赏？纵然得以永生，又与谁来共度？“只羡鸳鸯不羡仙”，她在那琼楼玉宇中，也有些高处不胜寒吧。

“不应有恨，何事常向别时圆？”这应该是千古以来许多人都曾问过的吧。其实月本无情，是人太多情了。每逢佳节倍思亲，更何况是本该合家团圆的中秋？可月既有阴晴圆缺，有缺必有圆；人既有悲欢离合，有分离必有团圆。人世间的分分合合无可避免，“天下没有不散之筵席”这句话不就是这么来的吗？正如没有黑夜就没有白昼，没有离别时的悲切，就没有重逢时的喜悦。所以，与其沉浸于悲伤，倒不如让我们一起向往欢乐。

但愿人长久，千里共婵娟。

The sorrow of parting is nothing compared to the joy of meeting again. -Charles Dickens

2010-01-26T05:49:00.000-08:00

-----杨戬与寸心--最遗憾的美丽

相爱而不相知
是最为悲惨的
两颗心明明相爱
但近在眼前的爱又仿佛远在天边

她爱他
为了他触犯天条，舍弃家人
一千年的真心不容置疑
他，也是爱她的
否则不会忍受她的刁蛮、任性
和一千年痛苦的婚姻

但他和她都不会爱
不懂对方的爱
更不会表达自己的爱
她太自私，想要得到他全部的爱
因为怕失去，所以拼命握紧
因为握得太紧，所以失去

毕竟，他是她世界的中心
可他不懂，她其实只是一个女人
只想得到他真心的温柔
正如她不懂
博爱乃是他的本性

又或许，她太了解
所以才更加怀疑她在他心中的位置

但她忘了
爱并非等价的交换
他的心里容得下三界众生
他永远不可能只属于她

相爱却不相知
正如两只刺猬
靠的越近越将对方刺得遍体鳞伤
两颗心虽然相爱
也只能眼睁睁看着心摔得粉碎
撕裂、痛苦、无言

最后，他们终于懂了
当她奋不顾身地为他顶罪
当他毫不犹豫地护在她身前
在她温柔又坚毅的神情中
在他双眸中难见的柔情里
她读懂了他的爱
也发现了她在他心中的位置
而他，明白了她的心
也了解了他对她的重要性
她，可为他舍去一切
而他，最爱的还是她

但这份相知来的太晚
有些错犯下了就不能弥补
随着她的离去
两颗心都在淌血
仍是说不出口的爱
可此时，什么也无需说
因为，失去了之后
终于理解了

但虽不忍放手
也只能毅然转身离开
因为有些事情一旦错过
就再也不能回头

2010-01-26T04:45:00.000-08:00

不知道为什么，最近总喜欢以华文写作。也许是近来常与华文打交道的缘故吧。《红楼梦》、《仙剑奇侠传》、《宝莲灯》--看完了皆是感慨万千，而这些感想以英文写出来，总是少了点韵味。哈哈，由此可见，我的双语程度还是不太灵光，仍不能应用自如。
-
不过话说回来，英语好像真的不能表达“红颜薄命”和“天妒红颜”的概念。在现代英文著作和媒介中，哪有那么多苦命的女子，美丽、善良、聪慧，不惜为爱付出一切，换来的却是悲惨的下场。不是独守空闺，孤独终老，就是正值花样年华便香消玉殒。脍炙人口的故事，极少能有情人终成眷属的。我们华人是喜欢折磨人还怎么的。
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可偏偏这些故事，又给我留下了特别深刻的印象。虽是看得捶胸顿足，却又欲罢不能。他们凄美凄迷的色彩深深吸引着我。也许正因为如此，从古至今才会有那么多不完美的结局吧。就如海岸线一般，越让人留恋，总是美得越蜿蜒。这些故事，正因为不完美，所以动人；美丽的遗憾，造就了不带遗憾的美丽。

2010-01-19T03:41:00.000-08:00

《葬花词》--读红楼梦、仙剑有感
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其一：
天河尽处神树巅，
还魂幽草有谁怜？
粉身碎骨偿宿愿，
只羡鸳鸯不羡仙。
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其二：
花谢花飞飞满天，
香魂悄逝有谁怜？
前世恩缘泪偿尽，
似曾相识是何年？
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其三：
花谢花开花满天，
梦中只为君流连。
沧海桑田埋思念，
来生与君画红颜。

2009-09-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've been reading through my old autograph books from primary school, when I realised how many people I've lost contact with. All the friends who are now nothing but memories. But I guess it's inevitable. People walk in and out of our lives, leaving behind nothing but footprints, and even that will one day be washed away by the waves of time. Looking back, we may feel nostalgic, but we all know that life goes on. So I want to thank you, all of you, teachers, classmates, friends, family, everyone who's touched my life one way or another. Thank you for the laughter and the fun we had together. Thank you for the tears, because they've made me stronger. And most of all, thank you for all the memories that you created for me, the good and the bad, all of which I've been thinking of, fondly. In the meantime, let us enjoy ourselves, meet new friends, create new memories, and leave behind new sets of footprints. Thank you, and all the best.

2008-11-06T05:28:00.000-08:00

Yay, school's over! I feel like I'm still dreaming at times. It's really amazing, how one year can just fly by that quickly, you hardly feel it pass at all. Am I really going to be a Sec 3 soon? Unbelievable. I can still remember my days as a young and innocent primary school kid, albeit a little vaguely, and now I'm going to be in Upper Sec! Two more months to go, actually, but these two months are likely to fly by as well, if the past fourteen, going on fifteen years of my life are any indication. What a weird thing time is. When you are feeling particularly bored or even living on a day-to-day basis, it seem to crawl by extremely slowly. And yet before you know it, one whole year just disappeared. I really wonder where all the years went. Ah, the happy days...Not that I'm not happy now, mind. And fourteen is a pretty young age to be feeling nostalgic.

Happiness is relative, no? I think it all depends on the mindset, really. I think that if one really wants to, one can feel happiness every moment. My sister often asks me why I keep smiling, and my reply is always the same. Because I have no reason not to smile. And how true that is. I'm not trying to be proud, or showoff, or anything like that, but I truly believe that I am fortunate. That's nothing to show off about. So many of us are so fortunate in so many ways, even if there are times when many, including me, do wish to be someone else. Am I rambling right now? No matter. It's not like many people are actually still reading this blog anyway, seeing how it's been so long since I last updated. But back to the topic at hand. I'll probably read back this post a few months later and feel extremely embarrassed about it, being so raw and all, but right now I'm just in this really contented mood. Being half asleep can do that to you, I guess. I am fortunate, really, I am. I have a great family, if sometimes overprotective. I have a fun-loving sister, if a little irritating. I'm in a good school, even though the workload is a bit scary at times. I won't call myself a beauty, but I'm not ugly either. I'm no genius, but I do believe my IQ is at least around a hundred. The only thing lacking is my observation skills, EQ and tact, I suppose. And yet that too, make me happy. As long as no one comes out and tell me openly, I'll never know if anyone doesn't like me or anything like that. It really helps to maintain the self-delusion that I am totally lovable. I may not be the richest, smartest, or most beautiful girl on Earth, or even remotely near that. But I am healthy, well-fed, well-clothed, and receives an education, lives in a more or less peaceful world. Of course, I would be much happier if there is no global warming and deforestation, but what reason do I have to remain unhappy? None. And if I'm not unhappy, I might as well be extremely happy, right? Getting to irritate my sister is just an extra bonus.

I don't think anyone can actually make sense of the previous paragraph. If you can, good for you. If you cannot, you are just more sane than me is all. There are times when I really wonder if RGS girls may find like minds in Woodbridge. Not very often, mind, but if you've seen some of the scenes I've seen, you'll wonder too. But then again, aren't we all a little crazy? Where would the fun in life be without a little craziness, the feeling of carefreeness and total abandonment? When you feel as though the rest of the world doesn't matter, and you don't give a damn about what the others think. When time stops for a moment, and there is only you, and you can do whatever you want. It's a wonderful feeling, amazing, captivating, and possibly addictive. It draws you in, like a moth to a candle flame, making you wish you can be like that all the time. But then the bubble that you're in falls apart, and the world starts turning again, and your sensibility takes over and you are conscious of the world once more. Once again, you have to step back into the real world, for as much as we enjoy that sense of carelessness, it is not for us, and it would not do for us to be detached from the real world for long. Not while we're still in it, anyway. So we can only wait, patiently, for the next moment of craziness to come to us again. How wonderful it would be to not care about anything in the world. And yet at the same time, how absolutely horrible and terrifying. For not caring about anything, would mean no responsibilities, no duties, ad no purpose of existense. And that, above all things, I abhor. I like being busy, I like having things to do. Because while doing something, be it for myself or for others, I get a sense of purpose, a feeling that I am useful, that I would not pass by this world without changing it in the least. I do not dream to change the world magnificently, be it for better or for worse. I do wish, at times that I could be like Einstein, Shakespeare, or someone else who left their mark on the world, decades, even centuries and milleniums after their death. But I know that the chances that I'll be that someone is one in a million, billion, even zillion. Nonetheless I wish to do something, to make my mark, even if it's but in a tiny, minute way. My greatest fear was to have my life as blank as the day when I was born. In a way I still fear this, but now, I at least have the consolation that I did impact something in the world. After all, my sister insist that it was my teachings that got her a 78 for her Maths exam, the lowest she has ever gotten.

Well, so much for trying to make sense. I think even I myself will fail to understand this post when I come back to read it a few months later. Who knows, I might even take it down after a while. But that is in the future, and come what may, I'll leave the future to the future, where it belongs.

2008-02-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

I think it is human nature to be doing something else when you are actually supposed to be doing your homework. But then again, I don't really know what I am supposed to do with my lab report since my mealworms have yet to turn into a beetle. I have no idea what to do with my bio PT, either, since we have not yet had a group discussion. As for the letter writing...well, I suppose I could do that now. Might as well admit that I'm lazy instead of looking for excuses that sounds lame even to me, huh?
School's been ok so far, I guess. I'm passing pop quizzes, though I definitely could do better. The workload is all right and I can still find time to read for entertainment but that is through sacrificing things like extra reading for lessons, which really isn't a good thing. They say that 24 hours isn't enough for a RGS girl. I say that 48 would be barely enough. Of course, everyone passes their exams and stuff, but you can hardly find the time for entertainment and enrichment both. I know that people can still go shopping, but that is through skipping CCAs (hint hint) and staying up real late to rush through homework. And I must say this, it is rather ironic that I am complaining about not enough time through blogging. You see girls, that's why I don't blog. Because if I am free from homework I'll be reading or stoning and not blogging. However, since my mom's banned me from fanfiction and I don't really feel like doing my homework...
I'm trying to look for the blog of Eoin Colfer actually. I heard that Butler is going to die and Minerva is going to betray the fairies in the Time Paradox. I can't wait for the book to come out. I wonder when that is? I don't think I would mind terribly if that happens. I like to watch Artemis going through emotional turmoil...Sadistic, I know, but he's one of the very few characters that we actually get to see grow and change emotionally. In almost all other books, the characters at the end are almost just like the characters in the beginning of the series, for example Harry Potter and say, Sherlock Holmes. It's nice to observe the thoughts and emotions of a evil-turned-good-er for a change. Not to mention that I like well written angst.
Well, this post is long enough, I hope. I should get back to my homework now. After all, I stil have a mortal to write to and many teachers to account to.

2007-12-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back. At last. Anyway, it's not really been an eventful holiday except that I've discovered and read many wonderful stories. And I know that the song and the blogskin doesn't really go together, but I really like the lyrics so...couldn't resist. "I hope you dance". You can go look up the lyrics yourself if you're interested. Ok, I'm currently not in a writing mood, so maybe later. By the way, Stef, what exactly is the present that is so bulky you can't bring it to school?

2007-10-15T22:14:00.001-07:00

Oooh, and here's the lyrics for bei ji xing de yan lei. I know it sounds like a love song, but I chose it purely because it sounds nice, and the lyrics are rather poetic, that's all.
Disclaimer: (to my sister) Not describing how I feel or anything like that.
像断了线
消失人海里面
我的眼终于失去
你的脸
再等一会
奢望流星会出现
愿如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天
越来越远
北极星的眼泪
说不出的想念
原来我们活在两个世界
北极星的眼泪
你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言
淹没在心里面爱不见
当对的人
等不到对的时间
就在放开手的瞬间
爱撕成两边
整个宇宙都流眼泪

2007-10-15T21:23:00.000-07:00

Yeah! The EYAs are finally over (for a few days). Oh well, I guess I got a little carried away in the celebrations ( in the library). I am currently re-reading the Goblet of Fire, which is very, very nice. But it is very dificult to read about all the fantistic characters without thinking of what happened to them in the end. It's so sad... and Charmaine you agree with me right? I wished JKR didn't kill off Lupin and Tonks. They are two of my favorite characters. And poor Dobby...that was completely unneccesary. I was expecting something more of Wormtail too. But I guess it is to emphasise on the fact that there was a war and there will definitely be deaths and losses, and it was a rather bittersweet victory, was it not? A pity that the atmosphere in the end was so lighthearted, and I'm not refering to the epilogue. It's still a nice story, though. I'll miss Hogwarts, and Harry and his friends, not to mention all the adventures and excitement going on in the world that is unreal and yet seems so real. *sigh*
OK, I gotta go now. 'Ll update soon.
By the way, Stef, your own dictionary? Well, I never.

2007-09-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Hi people! Okay, sorry for not updating for so long, but secondary school life is really tiring, with 3rd lang and everything, but I guess that's not really a good excuse. But the point is, life hasn't been exactly interesting either, so there's nothing much to talk about except for tons of complain over homework.
Oh God I really don't like this computer's keyboard. It takes too long to respond. Yesterday, I was trying to get into my email account when I keep getting told that my pasword is wrong. It took me a long while before I realise that because my password has a double digit and the computer did not register that since I typed too fast.
Okay, I'm supposed to be doing my homework so I'll update after the exams, all right? And, Stef, by the way, dead is an adjective so there's no past tense. (ducks)

2007-04-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this!! pq is organising a class gathering for all 6kians and I can't go because I'll be in Shanghai by the 31 May. I told Stef about it today and she wasn't very happy about it, especially since I'll be missing her birthday. But don't worry, Stef, because I buy you something nice. And you'll see kh during the class gathering, right? (Okay I'm just joking ignore me).
Okay computer studies is over now and I have to go to science now.

2007-03-31T18:29:00.000-07:00

THE SHROUD

The little childish happiness

Is taken off, together

With the old school uniform

Never will I be in that uniform again

And who will remember

The little girl with her two little pigtails

With her petticoats always too long

And her thousand naughty and silly ways?

The old school uniform

With the childish delights and giggles

Is folded and locked up in the top drawer

Forever.

Shall I cry?

I am no longer a child

My eyes so dry

It is not easy to cry.

Yet I hear somebody weeping-

Crying louder and louder- howling

I feel her tears-

She is the girl locked up in the top drawer.

-Wong May

2007-03-21T05:25:00.000-07:00

Oh my god! I can't believe I haven't update my blog for such a long,long time. But then again, I suppose I was really busy. I wouldn't have blogged if Charmaine had not been complaining that I have not been updating my blog for ages and how she's the only one who's bothering to write (poor her!). Anyway, just an update on what's going on in my extremely boring life.

Well, this week is learning journey week in my school and we do not have to go to school. Or so they say. I mean, it's not like this learning journey week is any better off than having lessons in school, if you get me. Okay, I know I shouldn't be complaining since the school hours are much shorter than normal school days and we don't even get any homework, but honestly, I'd prefer the holidays. I had always known that secondary school life would be busier and more stressful than primary school life, but excuse me? This is a little too much, isn't it? According to Song Che, Dunman High starts school later than us and their lessons also ends earlier than us! And they had a day off for Chinese New Year celebrations and we had a almost normal school day! But then again, I suppose rgs is still nicer than dhs (no offence). Especially Tarbet and 112. Our house and class just totally rocks.

Today I visited Stef in her home room and found her class, or rather what was the remaining of her class (for the rest had gone home) in a rather hysterical state. They were trying to patch up their class and decorate it before the deadline. So I ended up helping them decorate their class (112 people please don't be angry) but I daresay they were doing quite well if you consider the fact that they were in quite a rush. After she finished decorating her class, I went home with her. To Tanah Merah MRT station, that is.

Oh I really wished that the school holidays are not over yet. There are still so many books that I want to read and did not have the time to. I only managed to read a portion of The Lost Colony and I haven't even read the Davinci Code! Sad:( I hear that the next book of Artemis Fowl is currently being written. I can't wait for it to come out even though I'm not really sure if I'll have the time to read it.

Speaking of books that are coming out, I'm really excited about the Deathly Hallows. I hope JKR doesn't kill any one but then again, I guess that's how books are. I really want to know what's going to happen. True, I suppose anyone can come up with an ending for the story, but it won't be exciting as reading the real one. I'm referring to the version written by JKR, of course. That's why people still want to spend money to buy books and not stay at home and just read the story that we composed ourselves. I never liked to read my own compositions, for instance.

It's getting late now, so I'll continue another day.

2007-01-05T04:24:00.000-08:00

The RGS Sec 1 orientation is quite okay, even if it is quite tiring. I am going to try out for netball tomorrow and I think I am going to try out for another few CCAs as well. I hope I can get into some less stressful CCAs, something that will give me some time to do third language.
There is also house practice today and I am allocated to Tarbet(red) which is the same as PQ.
I'd better go and bathe now if I want to wake up early tomorrow.

2006-12-16T19:27:00.000-08:00

I tried to post some pictures I've taken in Australia but it came out looking a little wierd, doesn't it? Ha ha, I guess I'm just not very good at things like that. What a fiasco. The scenary is quite nice, though.

2006-12-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

(left)A picture of Australia from above. (Taken while in the hot air balloon.)

(down)Australia rainforest.

(left) A cute little seagull.

2006-12-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

I pierced my ears! It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, but it hurts a little. My sister wishes to have her ears pierced too, even though my mom say she will have to wait for a while. Maybe when she is older.
I am returning to school to collect my Sec 1 posting results on the 21st. I hope I would be able to get into RGS. And I hope all my friends go there too. I think I am starting to miss them. It's only been 1 month...

2006-12-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

I've returned from Australia. It was quite fun but it was very tiring as well. We visited quite a number of places, including the Dream World, the Movie World and Morton Island. I can't say which is my favourite because they were all very good. I especially enjoyed the dolphin feeding and the koala hugging. The koala looked very tired, though I think I can understand why. Imagine being carried by tourists everyday! The tour guide told us that the Dream World is the only place licensed to let tourists take photographs with koalas since koalas are sort of considered as an endangered species. We also fed some really lazy kangaroos at the Dream World.
The ride on the hot air balloon wasn't bad and the view was really fancinating. The only bad thing about it was that we had to wake up at 3:30 am Australian time, which is equivalent to 1:30 am in Singapore! It was worth it, though.
There was this big desert at Morton Island and the sand there were of different colours! There were red, brown, white, yellow and even black! We went sand sliding there and it was quite exciting. (Mom ended up having a lot of sand in her mouth.)
I bought some souvenirs there and I hope to go there again soon. All in all, I had a great time.

2006-11-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

Psle results were out on the 23rd and I got 274 (top in school). I would have posted earlier had my mom not banned me from the computer. I quite satisfied although the first in Singapore got 281( 7 marks difference). Nadia got 2nd, followed by PQ, Hong You, Charm, Stef, Dt, Greg, Fukai and Huiker. I have already handed in the Sec 1 option form and I hope to get into RGS. I had a hard time deciding what third language I should learn but decided on Japanese in the end.
My family is going to Australia on the 1st of December and I hope that I will have a good time there. It sounds fun anyway, with hot-air ballons and bees and koala and everything else.
Stef, SC and me helped Mr Tay on last Friday with some gardening( a job which involved a lot a centipedes, snails and spiders). I think he assumed that girls would be more careful with the plants but I'm sure he didn't expect us to scream and shriek throughout the whole gardening session. Well, he can't blame us, can he?
Stef and SC came to my house after the disastrous gardening session and upon seeing my sister, Stef actually said that my sister was sweet! She's really unbelievable sometimes. I suppose she just haven't seen the devilish side of my sister yet.
I'm going to have my lunch now and I will try to post something before I go to Australia. Now that I've finally got a tagboard, my sister shouldn't complain that she can't tag anymore.

2006-11-19T03:38:00.000-08:00

The Graduation Day wasn't bad, actually, except for the fact that I had to run around the hall three times, which was very tiring. Dawn went up to give the graduation speech and when she came back, her eyes were kind of watery but it was not until when we had to sing the graduation song when she totally broke down (okay I guess I may be exaggerating a little, but not very much). She was not the only one. Huilin, Jiayi and quite a number of girls were also crying, and watching them cry made me feel bad too, although I didn't cry. I suppose I just don't cry easily, especially in front of anyone other than my family members. As a matter of fact, I don't actually remember crying in front of others ever since I stepped into C.C.P.S. (my previous school).
I think I am going to pierce my ears, even though I'm a little scared. People tells me it will just feel like an ant bite, but I'm simply scared. But I still want to get my ears pierced though. Maybe next week.
I won't be able to blog very often, once a week perhaps, 'cause my mom is banning me from the computer. And speaking of it, I think I'm supposed to stop using the computer now. I think I shall post something again next week.

2006-11-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

Stef is absent again today. I think if she continues to oversleep, I am really going to do what Charmaine suggests--take a leaf out of her book and not go to school as well. I mean, it's really tempting, you know, although I guess there really is no point, since school will be over in two days time. Futhermore, I don't really feel good skiping school.
Today, when we were about to go home, me, Charmaine and LJ saw SJ's Uno cards. LJ suggested passing them to Fukai because we could not find SJ, but Charmaine brought them home anyway. Well, I guess she's just too nice. Either that or she likes Fukai (no offence, Charmaine and LJ).
There's only two more days of school left. Charmaine was wondering if anyone would cry during the graduation ceremony. I don't know about anyone else, but I definitely would not. After all, hai nei chun zhi ji, tian ya ruo bi lin. Wu wei zai qi lu, er nu gong zhan jin.

2006-11-11T03:44:00.000-08:00

I am so excited about the carnival tomorrow. Stef is meeting me at 8.45 am tomorrow and Song Che wll be meeting me at 10. I intend to spend all my money.
Nadia, Leong Jen and me went to Stef's house yesterday to celebrate her sister's birthday. The 11 P5s had to sqeezed into two cars while the 4 of us had 1 taxi comfortably to ourselves. We played water bombs, Wacko, Pass the parcel and Treasure Hunt. The P6s brought swimming costumes and we swam. We had more fun than you can ever imagine.
Later, we decided to play a prank on FK. Stef called him to tell him that she wanted to get something from him, which was totally true, and asked if she could go up. He was reluctant at first but finally agreed. The other three of us was listening to their conversation and had really great trouble trying to hold our laughter back. After that, we gathered everyone and knocked on his door. He opened a gap and stuck his head out, which I think is without hair gel, and he was so shocked to see us. He slammed the door shut immediately after passing Stef what she wanted. It was so funny! Leong Jen was really pleased.
My mom asked me not to blog so often so I guess I had better go now.

2006-11-07T01:09:00.000-08:00

There's only less than 2 weeks of school left before the school holidays arrive and we all go in our seperate ways. Still, I guess all good things must come to an end and, after all, if we are really true friends, time and distance can't simply break us apart, can they? As the Chinese verse goes, hai nei chun zhi ji, tian ya rou bi lin, I believe that true friends will never drift apart. Futhermore, with today's advanced technology, it shall be very easy for us to keep in contact with each other if we really want to.
I feel really bored at school nowadays and yet I still hope that the swift-footed time would slow down a little. My mom actually suggested that I don't go to school but I refused. I still want to meet my friends despite the school being very boring.
There is a carnival this Sunday and I hope that I will be able to have fun there. Lai Lao Shi and Liang Lao Shi made really beautiful ornaments to sell. I think I definitely will buy them.

2006-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:00

I went to Chinatown yesterday. After lunch, my mother then brought us to the National Library. I read 2 books and then my mom decided to go shopping.
Got to go for lunch now. Continue posting later.

2006-10-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

My mother wants me to go to Chinatown with her today. We will be leaving as soon as she finish her breakfast, which should be very soon.
My sister got 98 for her Mathematics examination and my whole family is very pleased even though someone in her class got 100. Still, I guess it's already good enough to be the second best in class. However, she said that she did very badly for her Chinese examination. My advice to her will be to read more. My mother said that if she is the top 5 in class or top 50 in level, she would be allowed to have piano lessons and I would be having them with her. I don't know what to hope for.I mean, I don't mind having piano lessons but can you imagine a Sec 1 student in Grade 1? Well...I suppose there's nothing much I can do about that since it all depends on her results anyway.

2006-10-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

Ha! I finally managed to get music for my blog. It is the song Shan Hu Hai sang by Jay Chou and Lara. The tagboard was more difficult to get, though. There seemed to be an error in page but I just can't figure what. Maybe it's just my computer.
I think I will ask my mom to go to the Science Centre this weekend. The school had brought us there just this Monday but I still want to go there again. It's a pity Stef and Charmaine didn't see what me and LJ saw.
Speaking of Stef, she's really unbelievable. She has overslept for two days in a row and I had to pass her things to FK, including a form about bras. She was feeling rather incredulous when I told her that on MSN. Well...what could I do?
I got a distintion for NSW English. I was a little surprised, to be honest, as I had not expected my self to do so well. Stef got a distinction too and Charmaine got a hihg distinction together with LJ and ZW.
I've got to go now. I'll try to use the computer tomorrow.

2006-10-26T23:44:00.000-07:00

I'm bored. Tired of reading. Don't know what to do. Don't know what to write. So... I guess I just won't write anything. Maybe I'll post something later.

2006-10-20T01:19:00.000-07:00

I was banned from the computer for the past few days, thanks to my sister. Everytime I turned on the computer, she would want to use it too, forgetting that her exam is today, which resulted in my mom forbidding me using the computer as well. It's lucky for me that she's not here today. The past few days was not very interesting anyway.
It's funny how difficult it is to satisfy a human being. For ages I've been looking foward to the post- PSLE days, and yet now I am feeling really bored. There's nothing to do in school. Nothing at all. The word sian is often used by my friends in their blogs. I hardly use dialects when writing, but this word is the perfect word to describe how I am feeling now in school. I wish the teachers would organise something for us, like watching movies. But nowadays it is so hazy out doors, I don't really think I'd feel like going out. I hope the haze will be gone soon.

2006-10-14T00:30:00.001-07:00

Yesterday definitely was a very eventful day. Firstly, there was the date- 13th friday. You can call it unlucky, I suppose. I had to lug a big bag of things to school including the materials Mrs Sum gave PQ, Nadia and me to do her banner for Project Care and the things for Nadia's chalet since I was going straight to Stef's after school.
We were called to the hall to listen to MV but Stef, Charm and I sneaked up to the classroom. Very soon, PQ, DT, HK, Nadia and some others all follow suit and we stayed in class to do Mrs Sum's banner. After that, the teachers treated us to a buffet and I think I ate quite a lot.
I had Char Siew rice at Stef's for lunch while she had her piano lesson. I then bathed and finished up my fruits and then we went to the chalet. It took us a long time to find the gate and I think we took the wrong entrance. Stef and her mum were carrying a big bag of charcoal and it was lucky that YL offered to help. Stef also brought her roller blades but she didn't use it, in the end. We rented bikes and cycled along the beach. LJ fell quite a couple of times. When we got back to the chalet, it was to find that ZH arrived with a deep cut on her chin. She didn't want to go to the hospital but Nadia's mum dragged her there anyway. After having a game of captain's ball, me, Stef and Charmaine went for a walk along the beach and Charmaine left her shoes on the sand. I was about to do that when I noticed a troop of mutated, gigantic ants which Jiahui probably won't like. I think I screamed and ran away as fast as I could. Later, there was a lot of screaming and yelling as we tried to "rescue" Charmaine's sandals. We thought of going back to look for help but decided that no one would help. Finally, we won the war against the ants and it was about 6:30 pm. We returned to find that Nadia's sprained her ankle and she's got a performance in December. I suppose she'll recover by then, though. We then started barbecuing.
The barbecue was totally disastrous. In the end, I only ate 1 chicken wing and I'm not even sure if I had fully cooked it since the insides were still a little bloody. But there are some people who didn't even get to eat any. Still, I haven't got a stomach ache so far... I also had a plate of bee hoon and while eating, Charmaine told us that she once watched a horror movie which talked about how a group a pupils went for a barbecue on the 13th friday and all end up dead. I guess we all got goosebumbs. Did she have to tell that story then? After that, we ran out of drinks and Clar, Jen, Sam, Greg and Fukai volunteered to buy drinks. They took about 45min and we were getting worried when Greg ran back with a few burgers. Huilin and DT thought that they had bought the burgers for themselves and got angry and cried. I was not very happy about them not telling us that when Sam explained that it was not the case and they had bought the burgers with their own money for those who are still hungry at the chalet as the food there were, well... Stef and LJ insisted that 13 unlucky things happen yesterday but the rest of us said that some things are actually usual for a barbecue. At around 9:30, Charmaine's dad gave me a ride home and I asked Charmaine how long did the pupils in the movie survived after the barbecue. She said that they all died before twelve midnight. So since I'm still alive now, it should be okay.
I've been trying to add links to my blog but only managed to add 5 so far before I grew tired and I'm still trying to figure out how to add a tagboard. I think I'd better let my sister use the computer now.

2006-10-12T02:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah! Finally managed to get a decent blog. Thks to Yunning, of course. But there are still things which I am trying to figure out. Guess I will just have to be patient. I'm simply so bad at computers and stuff like that. That's not really fair, 'cause some people are totally geniuses when it comes to those things. Well, I suppose you can't have everything in life. I think I'd better go have my dinner now. I can hear my grandpa calling me.